Assface

 TheOldManIsSnoringThe Old Man Is Snoring by Lea Wiertel on Flickr

 

Monday morning, I was so out of it that I couldn’t really get fully awake and make sense. I stayed in bed while Nitram was in the shower, and I was still in bed, mostly asleep, when he got out. He wandered around getting dressed, and the dogs cuddled up to me, and he liked seeing that, even though I felt I was being lazy. I tried talking to him and it came out all mumbly. Nothing was making sense.

He had snored the night before, which he doesn’t often do. It was the kind of snoring that sounds like someone is strangling on their tonsils while trying to cough up a weasel caught in their throat. I remember reaching out several times during the night and touching his head, sort of rocking his skull back and forth on the pillow to try to make it stop.

And I remembered that, when he asked me why I was so tired. I said, “The dogs were on me all night. You were snoring.” He said he was sorry, and I said, “You were snoring… it sounded like your ass was trying to come out of your face.” He said, “Oh… nice,” and almost sounded a bit miffed.

About an hour after he’d left and I was having a second cup of tea, I finally started to really wake up, and suddenly remembered what I’d said to him. I barely made it putting the teacup on the table before I bent double, laughing like a braying donkey! I almost started crying. Scared the dogs.

He always calls me from NJsux on Monday mornings when he’s in the parking lot at work, to let me know he’s got there safe. So an hour or so after my fit, he called, and I remembered it again and started laughing, trying to apologize for what I’d said. Usually our Monday “I’m here safe” conversations last a minute or so. I kept laughing and apologizing, and he said, “Yeah, you said something like I was pooping out of my mouth,” and I shrieked and completely lost it.

It’s been coming back to me once in a while all week and I still get all creased up thinking about it.

*honkshu* … *honkshu* … *honkshu*

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