Tag Archives: nsfw

Waxy alien irradiated dog penis

This scared the pants off me this afternoon:

Moonflower1

I bent forward to look closer at it and actually said out loud, on my porch, “Oh my god. What the fuck is that?”

Morning glories are supposed to look like this (note the smallish, normal-looking pod):

MorningGlories1

When I saw the gigantic wrong-looking morning glory penis pod, I really did wonder what was wrong with my plants, and what could have got into them to suddenly make them start sprouting such disturbing-looking buds. It creeped me out. A lot.

I started inspecting the rest of that bunch, and then saw this:

Moonflower2

What a relief. I realized that the waxy alien irradiated dog penis thing was actually a moonflower bud. I had put some moonflower seeds in with the morning glories this year but they hadn’t bloomed until now. So far, these are the only ones I’ve seen, and since it’s late September, there probably won’t be any more this year.

I may not get to see either of them in full flower because that might be around 3 AM. But maybe one will still be in bloom tomorrow morning. If so, I’ll take a photo and add it to this post.

This led to a convoluted conversation with Nitram that started out with my telling him how the moonflower bud scared me and grossed me out and ended with talking about cold medicines from the ’70s and ’80s. In between was the corpse flower; skunk cabbage; how smells can send you back to a memory in an instant; the smell of orange-scented nitrous oxide at the dentist’s when I was a kid (mixed with the smell of the black rubber mask, ick); the taste, smell, and consistency of that glutinous orange-flavored Triaminic cold medicine in the ’70s; the uselessness of Sucrets (made your tongue and punching bag numb but did nothing for your sore tonsils); and the experience of having your mom fight with you to spray Chloraseptic down your throat.

Holy crap. I just looked up all three of those meds and they’re still making them. I’m going to have nightmares about those now instead of the alien flower pod penis.

UPDATE 9.27.14:

Friday afternoon, the moonflower that was trying to bloom gave it up and fell to the ground without fully opening.  Last night, the penile one bloomed:

Moonflower3wm

It’s still in bloom today, but will probably close up and die once the sun hits it directly:

Moonflower4wm

Utterly fascinating, I know.

Heart Heart Unicorn Rainbow… Really

It’s become ever more fashionable as the years go by to dis Valentine’s Day. Me, I don’t care one way or the other about it. It’s never bothered me when I didn’t have a sweetie that year, never excited me when I did. If someone wants to wish me a Happy Valentine’s Day, I say thank you, and wish them the same. If no one does, no biggie. But I’m still not jumping on the “it’s so fake, such a manufactured holiday” thing. So the fuck what, all holidays are manufactured. Get over it. Either have a good day today or don’t, but either way, you don’t have to blame or credit Valentine’s Day. And try not to get too much joy out of squashing other people’s fun, and being too cool to say Happy Valentine’s Day.

Computer Hell (or not…)


After love making by Lite Speed Photography (Matthew Romack) on Flickr.

I had this post going on about computers… got got interrupted by some great sex.

Twice.

Times like this, I love being married.