Tag Archives: people

“Don’t you just love a good piece of wood?”

LumberMikeMozartFlickrLumber/Mike Mozart/Flickr

When I used to shoot stock photography, in the forum we’d all joke about how we had tried to apply the Undo or Clone or whatever (as in Photoshop) in real life. I’ve often wished I could hit an imaginary Back button in real life, and especially an Undo as applies to words.  I’m pretty sure I won the Undo award at Home Depot tonight.

One of the guys who works there (he’s at least in his 40s, so is not some silly kid) is used to me, and I’ve said some dumb-ass stuff to him before, believe me, but I’m still cringing from tonight. I was in the lumber section and long story short, he said did I see the planks over there? We walked over there and I gasped. “Ooh! I walked right by those! Those are nice.”

“Yeah, these will be good for what you want, I bet.”

We both stood there running our hands over the planks, talking about what I’d use them for, etc. And I mean we were having a normal conversation while caressing the planks the whole time. I said I’d have to go back home and “measure twice, cut once” and he nodded sagely. Our conversation was pretty much done but I couldn’t stop touching (okay, stroking, caressing, running my hands all over) the planks. I said, “I just love a good piece of wood. Don’t you just love a good piece of wood? Gosh this feels good.”

His face.

Tears actually came up in his eyes right away, but he kept an almost straight face. He has a mustache and his entire mouth disappeared under it as he struggled. His face got all pink right away too. I remember kind of blinking and I’m pretty sure my face crumpled up. We just stood there looking at each other and it was totally not awkward. It was just a sort of an acknowledgment of: Yup, you said that, there is no save.

I made some kind of horrible apologetic face that probably made me look like I had to throw up, and there was a stupid smile in there somewhere. His eyebrows went up like: All righty, then… move along.

I said, “Right. Measure twice, cut once. So… going home now.” He nodded. I walked away wanting to cry.

I know this is funny now, but it wasn’t so much at the time. Well, it kind of was, and I could have brayed out my usual awkward laughter as when something like this happens, but tonight was really a bit beyond the usual.

And I still have to go back there. Oh boy.

You must be… (take your best guess)

Old school answering machine by aeminphilly on Flickr

I’ve been meaning to write (rant) about this for a while, but a friend’s WTF post over on FB about companies’ and people’s answering messages has re-inspired me.

These are the most common messages — from people who know me — that get left on my home answering machine:

“Hi, I guess you must be in the shower…” (It’s the middle of the day, I’m already showered, thanks.)

“Hi, I guess you must be asleep…” (It’s midmorning, I’ve been up for several hours.)

“Hello, I guess you must be eating dinner or something…” (Dinner? At 4 PM?)

“Hi, I guess you must be… out.” (Well, now, there’s a no-brainer.)

After getting one of these messages, what I sometimes fantasize about having as my outgoing message (other than Carl Kasell‘s voice) is something like, “Hi, I’m either out, in the shower, sleeping, eating dinner at 10 AM, picking my nose, or listening to you right now and not picking up. You just take your best guess from those possibilities and get back to me.”

Why do people feel the need to leave a guess as to your whereabouts and/or whatabouts? Why can’t they just leave a message? Preferably one with actual info in it rather than a guess or just some babble.

Why does this bother me so much? Because I don’t do it myself, and because I also have to listen to people do this in conversations, except they usually say “maybe” or “probably” more than “must be,” and they don’t usually feel the need to guess. I can say something as simple as, “She went to the store,” and get back something like, “Oh, she probably had to get there before it closed.” Well, yes. People do have to get to the store before it closes, if they want to buy anything and not just sit out there in the parking lot. Picking their noses. Or showering.

One and only one person is exempt from my freaking out over this because that person has Alzheimer’s — the fact that they did this all the time before they had Alzheimer’s is irrelevant now, they get a free pass.

None of the rest of you get a free pass.

I Guess I’ll know by August 8th

Or not.

I just walked out to the kitchen before starting this, passed by the photo of my sister on the wall, and said some bad words. Not said some bad words at the photo (or my sister), just said some bad words ‘cos I knew I was coming back here to try to write and that it wasn’t going to go really well.

Blog not going well since sister died, eh?

I keep telling myself that this [writer’s block thing, don’t call it that — okay]… lull is due to… mmmwhat?

To be fair, it’s not just since my sister died. Oh, wait — I was going to say it’s also because I seem to have lost interest in some things (a lot of things) I had mined for blog posts before. Problem is, that seems to be most things at the moment. Other problem is, “at the moment” has lasted almost a year now.

Of course, it helps to remind myself that I have like 2.5 followers, so that’s okay.

Or not.

What’s kind of freaking me out is that it seems pretty easy to blame my lack of blogginess on my sister dying. And on the other hand, it seems like not blaming it on that is denial.

So, like I said… I guess I’ll know by August 8th.

Or not.