Tag Archives: restaurants

Mike’s Vagina

Let’s Laugh Again! by Renate Eder (picaddict) on Flickr


When I was working at the Saloon, I’d overhear the two chefs, Mike and Chad, goofing around in the kitchen. What were they thinking, yelling at each other like that (which is just how they converse, being only in their 20s) when I’m right there in the wait station?

Mike is usually peppy, but one day he wasn’t. It was raining, the place was dead. It was just him and Lili in the kitchen. There was no music on.

The next day I told Chad that the kitchen was boring on Tuesday. So he put on his music (which I think sucks), and when Mike got there, this is what I overheard:

Chad: Dude, I heard the kitchen sucked yesterday.
Mike: The fuck you talking about?
Chad: Kate said there was no music, it was dark and rainy, and your vagina was bleeding out.
Mike (wild laughter): Fuck you!!
Chad: No, fuck you!

As to Mike’s laughter, he sounds like a hyena. Or monkey. Or both. It’s almost immediately tear-inducing. The next day I told him that his new name was Jungle Boogie because of his laughter. Bobbie, the bartender, overheard part of this and asked why, and I explained, “Because when he laughs, he sounds like something that lives in a tree in the jungle.” She looks at him and says, “His hair LOOKS like something that lives in a tree in the jungle!” (It stands straight up.) So he starts laughing when he hears this, and of course we start laughing. Then he chokes on his soda. I say, “Mike, I love your laugh, really. It always makes me want to laugh!” Bobbie says, “Yeah, we’re only saying this ’cause we love you.” Mike says, sincerely, “Awww, you guys… I love you too.” Bobbie takes off her glasses, wipes away a fake tear, says, “The emotion in here is just too much for me,” and walks out. Mike gapes. I laugh at him. He starts laughing again and I have to leave the kitchen.

Later, Chad brings a giant foil tray that the meat was delivered in over to the sink to empty out the blood. He says, “Eeew, bloody.” I say, “It’s Mike’s vagina,” and Chad loses it. Mike hears part of that and goes, “What, what??” and Chad and I in unison go “OH NOTHING!” and keep laughing. So Mike laughs because he just can’t help it, and I have to leave the room again.