Tag Archives: Winter

A Winter’s Rescue Tale

The dogs retell Clement C. Moore’s “A Visit from Saint Nicholas.”

For all the dogs and other animals still waiting for their safe and warm forever homes.


YawningDog/The Orange Dog and The White Dog, waiting for snow

 
‘Twas a cold Winter’s evening, and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care
In hopes Winter’s magic would soon fill the air.
That night we were nestled all snug in our beds
While visions of chewy treats danced in our heads.

But soon we crept into our parents’ warm laps;
They’d just settled in for their long Winter’s naps —
When out in the trees there arose such a clatter,
We sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window we flew like a flash,
Pawed open the shutters and nosed up the sash.
The moon, on the breast of the new-fallen snow,
Gave a lustre of mid-day to objects below;
When, what to our wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh with a team of nine deer.


Bill Stevenson/Flickr (altered)

 
Through pine boughs it glided and onto the gable,
Then in through the window, down to the night-table.
The driver turned round and gave us a wink —
‘Twas the Spirit of Winter, yet not as you’d think.
Neither Santa nor St. Nick, no angel or faerie,
But the essence of Winter: stars and snow, crisp and merry.

FlickrAuroraAndTreeJasonAhrns
Jason Ahrns/Flickr (altered)

 
Then a glow filled the room and the shadows drew back —
It came from the nose at the head of the pack.
By this we could see each and every deer’s feature —
Not reindeer at all! But all manner of creature:
A rabbit and rat, a pig and a steer,
Squirrel, fox, and cat and yes, one little deer.
Yet crowning each head, no matter how odd,
Was a set of fine antlers, and each gave a nod.
Their eyes, how they twinkled! Their whiskers, how merry!
Their cheeks were so furry; their muzzles, quite hairy.

But arf! The ninth creature that led through the fog
With her nose all lit up was a little blonde dog.
Her eyes looked like ours! She was cute as a button;
Her shanks were so sprightly, like sleek leg o’ mutton.
She pranced like a pup and sneezed once or twice,
Then shook out her fur, all crystal with ice.


YawningDog/Piglet the Red-Nosed Reindeer

 
Her coat shone like moonlight! Her antlers, so pretty;
Her little pink tongue was all warm and dog-spitty.
Her tail curled so proudly and swept side to side —
‘Twas evident she was enjoying the ride.
Her toenails tick-ticked upon the night-stand,
And each time she leaped, like stardust she’d land.
We reached out in wonder, a curious sniff:
Touched noses with her, became friends in a jiff.
Her glow grew within us and showed us a sight:
Lucky dogs just like us! In warm homes, as is right.


Remi and Wolf, courtesy of Justice Rescue

 
We used to be frightened — neglected we’d roam;
And so many just like us still wait for a home.
The memory of that touched our tender dogs’ hearts,
Then the little blonde dog gave a yip — and two farts!
And with jingling of bells and swooshing of tails,
The team turned the sleigh on quicksilver rails.

We saw then that the sledge was filled with our kind!
The spry and the lame, the sighted and blind —
All going to homes filled with warmth and good cheer
For the rest of their lives, to nevermore fear.
Their humans would care for them always, forever.
Good food and good treats! And mistreatment — never!
We felt in our hearts a great joy that night,
Of love always near, undying and bright.
We crept back into bed with the humans we love,
Cuddled up and entwined to fit like a glove.

SleepyWinterPups
YawningDog/The Orange Dog and The White Dog, all snug in their bed

 
As we fell back to sleep so secure, curled up tight,
We knew everything would turn out all right.
From the sleigh came a bark, a miaow, and a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
We heard in our dreams as they flew out of sight,
“Happy Winter to all, and to all a good night!”

Please consider donating time, money, supplies, or anything you can to Friends of the Danbury Animal Control, the Danbury Animal Welfare Society (DAWS), Justice Rescue, Wildlife in Crisis, or to your local shelter, animal rescue organization, or wildlife rehab organization. Remember that adopting a pet is a lifetime commitment.

Junk


It’s freezing out on the porch tonight.

Nitram is doing his dance. When he gets cold out on the porch, he does something no sane person should do: stands away from the wall, right in the path of the wind, rocks from side to side with his legs all stiff and slightly spread.

Hey, if I was a guy, I would not let my junk get in the wind like that. But guy or girl, you’ve got to have some sense when you’re out on the porch in November and it’s not much above 20 degrees and really windy: you stand next to the wall, hunker down in all your layers of coats and sweats and slippers, and DO NOT SPREAD YOUR LEGS.

Common sense, c’mon. When you’re cold, you do not open your most vulnerable areas to the biting, chilling wind.

Me: The fuck’re you doing? That dance. How can that help?
Nitram: The cops get told to stamp their feet when they’re on patrol in winter.
Me: Stamping your feet is one thing, airing your junk is another.
Nitram: Airing your…. what? What??
Me: You’re exposing your package to the elements! Do like I do! Stand and shiver!
Nitram: You’re crazy.
Me: Right, I’m crazy. I’m not the one letting my danglies catch the winter breeze.
Nitram: This keeps me warm.
Me: Oh really. If you’re so warm, how come you’re the one miserable out here and I’m the one all toasty. Ya gotta protect the jewels.
Nitram: You don’t have any jewels!
Me: I do too! They’re just all tucked away, nice and safe and warm like they’re supposed to be. You don’t see me airing my cooze to the wind.
Nitram: I am not airing, I’m trying to keep warm!
Me: Put your legs together!
Nitram: No!
Me: Hey…
Nitram: Oh jeeze…
Me: No really. So if you put your legs together, wouldn’t that shield everything?
Nitram: garrrrrrrrrr
Me: What. Well, you know how guys sit.
Nitram: How do guys sit?
Me (spreads legs wide, semi-squats, trying to make like Bubba): You know, like this, with all their stuff all exposed and shit.
Nitram: And shit.
Me (straightens up, closing legs to protect the good stuff): Damn, that’s cold. Hey, what happens to your junk when you sit like that? I guess it all falls down.
Nitram (chokes on beer): WHAT. It does not… what??
Me: You know, if you sit like Bubba, first it’s in the front — I guess — and if you spread your legs, it all… flops onto the seat, the chair?
Nitram: I gotta go inside.
Me: No, wait, what happens?
Nitram: It does not… it doesn’t flop anywhere… oh Jesus Christ.
Me: Come on, tell me. What happens? Where do your ghoolies go?
Nitram: Nothing happens!
Me: Doesn’t it have to go somewhere…?
Nitram: No!
Me: Well, show me.
Nitram: No!
Me: Well, shit. How will I ever I ever know?
Nitram: Why don’t you get Neal to show you. You two are always talking about gross things.
Me: I don’t want to see Neal’s junk! I always see yours, why won’t you show me how you sit!
Nitram: I’m going in.
Me: I’d show you how I sit.
Nitram: I’m going in.

Oh, sure, that’s right: when in the wrong, or intimidated — or when your junk is cold — retreat.

But DO NOT SPREAD YOUR LEGS.